I am no different than many husbands, fathers out there. I allowed myself
to fall into the abyss of lethargy. This left me at 245 pounds and miserable.
I had so many things that were going well in my life, yet I had allowed
myself to get to a point that I had sworn so many times before that I
would never reach. As I looked in the mirror the year following my son’s
birth, I saw the same flocculent body that I had promised myself not
to incur. Thankfully for me, my wife has been with me throughout and
has always been a source of inspiration. She always tried to make me
feel good about myself regardless of my physical appearance. I stepped
back and looked at my life. I have the best wife a man could ask for.
She has given me the most precious thing in my life, my son Benjamin.
They deserved better from me. They deserve for me to be around for as
long as I can. They deserved to be proud of me, proud of my appearance,
stable in knowing that my health would not be an issue. Stacy has always
taken great care of herself and has always been healthy. I began to really
worry about my mortality. It seemed as though a day could not pass without
me thinking about the “what ifs.”
That leads me to where I began at the Dojo. I obviously
had been around the people of the Dojo for several years. I enjoyed seeing
Stacy’s passion for what she was doing, yet did not always understand
her dedication. From an outsider’s viewpoint, I questioned Sensei’s
methods and approach. Brian often says that I hated him. I did not hate
him, but I definitely did not understand him. I don’t know how much of
that has changed, but I do have a respect for him and his art. When the
opportunity to join the Dojo was presented to me, I had many reservations.
Would my ego and Sensei’s be able to coexist? Would this really help
me? Could I follow through with the admission that I needed to do something
to change my life? These are all dilemmas that would soon be answered.
The first class, Sensei and I spent much of the time talking. I believe
that Sensei had as many questions about how this relationship would be
forged as I did. Although much of his delivery had not changed, some
of his message had. I could sense a desire in him to take what I was
willing to give and help me produce. This was what I was looking for.
I took away from our conversation that if I could strip away any of
my preconceived notions about our relationship and concentrate on the
work, I would be fine. That is what I have attempted to do.
The last two years, I have tried to leave as much
of myself in the Dojo as I could. (Primarily in the form of sweat) I
have seen results and am proud of what I have achieved, however I am
far from where I want to be. I still have many things that I need to
amend about my life to assure health and happiness. Often people perceive
exercise and fitness as an endless pursuit in vanity. In some cases this
may be true. In my case (although I love the changes in my appearance)
it is a pursuit to make those I hold dear as comfortable with their future
as I can. I understand now the humility, patience, and effort that are
required in order to reach these goals. It is my hope that I can continue
to strive for the best and improve myself now and in the future.
