WEIGHT LOSS STORY

Meg "Cricket" Hazel

HOW TO LOSE 80 POUNDS

I“You are so skinny!”  I never, ever, thought that in my life I would ever hear those words.  In fact, it was just about a year ago that I had resigned myself to being fat.  I was just “big-boned” and had the genes to be fat.  As much as I tried, there really wasn’t anything I could do, so why not accept my pudginess and get on with life?

I’ve struggled with my weight all of my life, and I imagine it will always be something I need to focus on.  I began putting on weight in 5th grade.  Throughout my school years, my weight fluctuated quite a bit.  Sometimes I was almost at a normal weight but at other times I was quite obese.  I usually wore sweat pants, since I could never be sure what pants I could fit into.  In college, I had one more “giant” weight loss when I tried the Nutri-System program.  Nutri-System was the pre-cursor to Jenny Craig, where you went once a week to weigh in and you had to eat their pre-packaged food.  I didn’t really follow the program – I simply starved myself for about 2-3 days before my weigh-in day.  There was a major problem with this method:  I got extremely weak and eventually began to have problems with my blood glucose levels.  I guess I haven’t been at a healthy weight since I was a freshman in high school.  Even then, I was not what you would call a small person.  At my heaviest weight in life I weighed 215 pounds. 

How does it feel to be fat?  Well, one of the first things I should point out is that I would NEVER, EVER admit to being “fat”.  I was “pudgy”, “plump”, or “big”, but never “fat”.  The fact that I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror and actually call myself what I was really indicates how ashamed I was of my body, though I would never admit that to myself.  I make myself use the word now, mostly as a reminder to myself that I was fat and it can always happen again.  Being fat used to be a lot harder, because regular stores didn’t carry many fat sizes and if they did, they were super-ugly.  When I was in high school I remember going to a special store to find clothes that fit.  One of the first places I remember shopping was called “Added Dimensions” It was at Dutch Square mall and had an outside entrance, so you wouldn’t have to go into the mall to shop there.  I was so excited to find nice clothes!  As I reached adulthood, there were more and more stores for me and regular department stores started carrying much nicer fat clothes (though they were still mostly for older women.  I looked like one of the chaperones instead of a student when I went to my senior prom!)

Because I was fat for so long, it’s been difficult for me to imagine that I would have been treated any differently because of my size.  Realistically, I must have been.  Thinking back, I didn’t date that much in high school and college.  I went out with friends, of course, and watched in envy as those skinny girls danced on tabletops.  If I had gotten up there, I’m sure the table would have collapsed!  The guys always noticed my friends before they noticed me, and I have never had a stranger “buy me a drink”.  Yes, I felt pretty unattractive, and I knew I was the stereotypical “fat friend”, but I still had no guts to do anything about it.  Back then, I didn’t think about it too much, but I can see now that my weight really played a big part in how people interacted with me.

By the end of 2001 I had pretty much given up.  I had lost about 20 pounds on Jenny Craig for my wedding that year but had since gained it all back.  One thing had changed in my life, however:  I had begun to work out at Ladies Choice gym.  My workouts were sporadic and I wasn’t very dedicated, but I was healthier than I had ever been, even with my excess flab.  I just couldn’t seem to give up my chocolate bars, Fritos, and biscuits! 

A major turning point in my life came when I began taking karate.  Suddenly, my workouts had a purpose!  Suddenly, there was a focus in my life!  Suddenly, I had a reason to be healthier!  With all my newfound motivation, you would think that I would have lost weight easily.  However, while my workout regimen became more intense, my eating habits remained the same.  I lost about 20 pounds from January to August 2002 by increasing my exercise alone.  It was during this time, I think, that my addiction to exercise began.  I also began to fall in love with karate – I remember thinking that it seemed so long in between lessons.  I truly loved to practice it and really wanted to get better.  Some time in late summer, I mentioned this to my sensei.  He had made comments before on the importance of being fit and was kind enough to point out any weight loss.  He had never stated to me directly that I needed to lose weight, but he didn’t need to – I knew it in my heart. I told him of my desire to improve my karate and then made the most important decision about my health that I’ve ever made:  I asked Sensei to help me lose weight.  I had no idea of what it would entail, but over the past 7 months I had grown to respect him and trust his judgment.  He began by letting me know that, in the end, it was ultimately up to me to be successful, but that he would guide me and motivate me as long as I did what he asked.  After all, I had asked him for his help!  At first, the weight was recorded on a small index card.  He weighed me the first week on a scale from Wal-Mart and said, “OK.  I want you to lose 2 pounds by next week.”

It had begun!  Later on in the week, we discussed my punishment for not losing 2 pounds.  Punishment?  Yes!  I know it’s an odd thing to hear nowadays.  It seems that in this day and age, we are so worried about “self-esteem” and “feeling good about ourselves” that we’ve forgotten what an effective tool punishment can be.  Most people use “positive reinforcement” and “rewards”, but I am still a firm believer in the power of punishment, and I’m glad Sensei believes in it also.  He chose it well – after being his student for 7 months, he knew what would work to keep me motivated.  I am a typical “Type A” person:  I like to keep busy and I hate to waste time.  I like for every minute of my day to be spent doing something productive.  For my punishment, I had to waste time by writing sentences.  I hated it!  My sentence was:  “Losing weight will assist me in my karate training.”  The number of times I had to write the sentence varied, but it increased in amount over the weeks.  The first time I had to write, I only had to write it 250 times.  During my last month of weight loss, the amount was up to 1500 times. 

When people notice my weight loss, one of the first things they ask is “How did you do it?”  When I tell them that I exercised more and ate less, they are extremely disappointed.  I know how they feel – for years, I hoped and prayed for a magic pill or a miracle drug that would take the weight off without any effort.  It doesn’t exist.  The first week with help from Sensei, he made it clear to me that what we were going for was not a diet, but a permanent change in lifestyle.  He also warned me that I was going to have to be patient to see results, and that I may not see a loss every week.  In fact, he also told me that there would be times when I would have to simply maintain my weight and not have any loss.  I started that week with very little changes in my diet.  I knew what foods were healthy and which ones weren’t, so I decided to eat very healthy that week.  I usually had a bagel with light cream cheese for breakfast, a salad or sandwich for lunch, and something healthy for dinner like steamed vegetables and baked or broiled chicken or fish.  I didn’t eat the pre-packaged foods by Healthy Choice or Lean Cuisine.  They have very high sodium content and I believe the preservatives they use actually help “preserve” my fat cells.  Was I perfectly healthy the entire week?  Of course not.  I had pizza and Chinese food.  However, I was aware of what I was eating and didn’t go overboard with my portions.  I was beginning to actually think about what I was putting in my body before I put it in my mouth.  My exercise level stayed the same as before – karate lessons twice a week, kickboxing twice a week, and practice time for karate.  I had also begun to jog as part of my karate lessons.

When I came to weigh in that week, I was nervous!  Sensei had told me that it was OK to lost more than two pounds, but if I had not lost at least two pounds then I would be writing sentences.  I came to the dojo for my lesson, changed into my black Juka gi, and put on my belt.  When Sensei said, “Are you ready to weight in?” I think my heart skipped a beat!  I kept asking myself – did I do enough?  Did I exercise enough?  Did I eat too much last night?  Should I have eaten breakfast?  I stepped on the scale and waited with my eyes closed.  Sensei was quiet – oh my gosh!  Had I really screwed up?  Then he told me the news:  I lost two pounds that week!  I was so relieved! 

The following week, my goal was the same – lose two pounds.  Over the weeks, my goals changed:  lose one pound, maintain, or lose two pounds.  Eventually, there was a week when I didn’t reach my goal.  I felt like such a failure!  I also knew that there was no excuse.  Yes, women’s bodies change during the month, but it is still possible to lose weight during “that time”.  It may be hard, but it is possible.  Would I have said that before?  Probably not, but as I have lost weight, I realize that what works best for me is to just GET IT OFF.  Once I got the pounds off, it was OK!  I was able to keep going!  The hardest part is just doing what it takes to lose the fat.

After a few weeks, I noticed that I wasn’t losing as consistently as before.  I decided then to do what I now call the “Half-It” method.  I continued to eat the foods that I was eating, except I ate half the amount I was eating before.  There is one major barrier to this method:  I was taught, as many young women are, to clean your plate and not to waste food.  It was so hard for me to learn that it’s OK not to finish!  That it’s OK not to eat the whole plate of spaghetti!  Most importantly, it’s OK just to throw the rest away!  I am not a wasteful person, so this was the hardest thing for me to overcome.  However, if I kept it around, I was sure to eat it.  I’m sure many people thought I was crazy when they saw me eat one-half of everything on my plate at a reception we had at school, then throw the plate in the garbage!  I found, though, that once I had a bite of the things I wanted, that I really didn’t need to finish it.  What I really wanted was a taste, and that’s what I got. 

The “Half-It” method worked for quite a while.  At the same time, I also started increasing my jogging time and distance.  Jogging is something I actually began to enjoy!  I started out being able to run about 2 laps around 2 soccer fields and walking about 8 more.  I increased my jogging to 5 laps, then 8, then 10!  Now, I jog not for laps, but for time.  Last time I counted my laps, I was up to about 20 in 45 minutes jogging time.  It’s a great stress reliever and I don’t think I’ll ever stop now.  During my weight loss, Sensei had me maintain for a couple times.  He said that it was important for me to not only learn how to lose weight, but how to keep at a certain weight.  I was scared to death the first time I had to maintain!  I really wanted to keep losing, but I also had no idea how much to eat and how much to exercise to stay within a 5 pound range.  I’m glad he made me go through that, because I was able to do it and now I feel much more confident in my ability to keep the weight off. 

After the “Half-It” phase, I tried a high protein/low carbohydrate regimen.  I really just wanted a change, and it worked for me!  I must have tried every kind of protein bar out there!  I also stumbled across a wonderful product called “dieter’s tea” that I began to drink at night.  When my weight loss began to slow down again, Sensei suggested that I “shock” my body and not eat any fat for a couple of weeks.  This worked for me as well, and it was a real challenge to try and find completely fat free foods!

I guess the reason I tried so many different things is because I needed a change.  During my last month of weight loss, I ate a lot of fruit and avoided chocolate and alcohol.  One of the main things to remember, though, is that you can’t ever give up.  If a plan starts to feel like it’s not working anymore, then try something different, but don’t stop trying!  Of all the things I tried, the hardest thing to do was to say NO.  You can’t imagine, though, what a wonderful feeling it is to finally be in control over food.  Believe me, there will be Krispy Kreme doughnuts in the future!  Yes, she only makes those cookies once a year but they will be there next year!  It was hard for me to do, but I learned how to get over my fear of missing out on food. 

Another trick that really helped me through the rough times was learning to be very particular about my food.  Occasionally, I would crave a specific food like a cheeseburger or pizza.  Imagine if you can the perfect cheeseburger.  It has to be cooked a certain way, it has to be a certain thickness, the bun has to be the right kind of bread, it has to have just the right amount of condiments on it, and it has to be cooked by someone else.  Now that you have this image in your head, answer me this.  Where can you get it?  You may think of something close to perfect, but is it really what you wanted?  I kept telling myself that if it wasn’t exactly what I wanted, then I wasn’t going to get it.  After all, why should I settle for something less than perfect?  If I went out and thought I had gotten the “perfect” item, I soon realized after a couple of bites that it wasn’t, so I ate less.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned throughout this whole process is patience.  You always hear people saying “Well, you didn’t put on the weight overnight, so it’s not going to come off overnight.”  I think this statement is only half true.  I’ve found that weight goes on much faster than it comes off.  It’s discouraging, I know, but it probably takes twice as long to get it off as it did to get on.

How does it feel now?  Well, I love it!  People have many different reactions, though.  Some people are very complimentary.  They tell me that I look great and that they are proud of me.  This makes me feel really good because I worked hard for these results.  There are also those who tell me “You need to stop losing weight”.  I’m sure they have different reasons for saying that, but I knew what I needed to lose and I also knew that I had many people, Sensei included, who would never let me become too small.  I now weigh between 125 and 130.  I’m still not completely comfortable in my new body, but I know that will come in time.  I love to shop for clothes now and I can’t wait to get my new wardrobe!  I feel healthy and alive.  And yes, I also feel a little scared.  I’m starting on a new journey now, but I never want to forget where I came from.